This momming thing is no joke, folks.
For serious. Just the half-millisecond I think I have it sorta-kinda-figure out, ka-chow! Something new pops up and I feel clueless.
(Sorry for the Lightning McQueen “Ka-chow” reference. My son has watched Cars 3 no less than 14 times in the last two weeks. #NotExaggerating)
But me feeling clueless is so stinking weird. I would say I am reasonably intelligent human. Some might say I’m even nerdy book-smart. I’m working on my PhD and I’ve always tried to get the best grades possible.
So how can it be that the things my children do (and don’t do) throw me for such a big loop?
Here’s an example: Today (at the time of this writing), my kindergarten daughter got up earlier than normal. She was acting fine and dandy. But less than an hour later, she was complaining that she had a headache.
Now, when this kiddo gets sick, her genre of illness usually manifests as fever and headache. (My son is the ear infection boy, and I am all things sinus/lungs, just in case you needed a health update from us).
Anywho, I check her head. No temp. Good news, I think. (She had the fever-headache situation about 10 days ago, and I TRIED to get her to take her entire batch of meds… she was eating ice cream twice a day to get it in her system…)
So I’m puzzled. Is she getting sick? Tired? Stressed? Emotional from the recent deployment of her Daddy? Hungry? Is it the bump she got on her head at church on Sunday that is still kind of purple? Or maybe it’s the fact she is wearing a tiara on her head for Red-Ribbon week?
FOR. THE. LOVE. OF. CHOCOLATE. SAUCE.
It is in those moments of momming that I just feel clueless… And I have to work overtime to keep my anxiety from flaring up. Super fun, I know.
So I said a quick prayer for discernment and since headache was the only “symptom” I sent her school with a note to her teacher explaining the situation and that if she didn’t “perk up” soon or felt worse, to call me.
But what a wonky way to start my day. UG.
After I dropped her off, I was just feeling stressed. I felt like it was something more than “just” my daughter having a headache.
As the toddler, dog and I went for our run (the toddler rode in the stroller, just FYI), I prayed for wisdom and discernment. What is my problem today, Lord? Why is this bothering me so much?
Finally, about mile 3, it hit me: It wasn’t so much that I was concerned for my daughter, because in reality, she will probably be fine (The school didn’t call me that day, either). I realized that in those moments of “cluelessness,” I feel like a crappy mama.
I know, I know. Complete and total web of lies. But that is how I felt.
So I prayed and asked God to reveal who I REALLY was as a Mama. I needed His truth.
And His truth not only encouraged me, but if you are a mama in any respect, perhaps it will encourage you too.
I trudged up the hill, pushing the jogging stroller, huffing and puffing. With each step, I started saying truth to the “tune” of my foot cadence.
I am a great mama.
I am a loving mama.
I am a smart mama.
I am a kind mama.
I am an intentional mama.
I am a creative mama.
I am a graceful mama.
I am an encouraging mama.
I am an engaged mama.
I am a mama with good intentions.
I am a mama who wants the best for my kids.
I am a faithful mama.
I am a trusting mama.
I am a hopeful mama.
All the way up the hill for the final mile, I panted these truths. Notice that these truths aren’t about perfection. Nowhere did I say I was the perfect mama. I’m not. You are not. No one is. And I know that God is all-knowing and His ways are absolute and divine, but I couldn’t help but wonder… As His Son Jesus hung on the cross, bleeding and suffering, if God every doubted the big-picture plan HE had for humanity. He was forsaking His Own Son for the entire world. Yes, He knew how it would turn out and that death was only temporary, but even the brief separation from His Son must have caused such pain to His heart!
So to all my fellow mamas out there… You are a great mama. A wonderful mama. An awesome mama. You incredible mama, you!
“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” ~Proverbs 31:25-30
