The Holy (and not-so-holy) thoughts of a Marathon runner

Welcome to another week of our Everyday Jesus link-up. Be sure to link-up below this post, comment on your neighbor’s blog and share with your friends… Because Jesus is everywhere, every day!

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As you might know, I recently ran my first ever marathon.

And it is my tradition to share some of my mile-by-mile thoughts, because I think of Jesus most miles and I think of some pretty crazy stuff… But it is too good to just waste on a Facebook status.

Plus, we all need a good laugh, right?

So, per request, here is a breakdown and the nitty-gritty (rainy? painful?) details from my first-ever full marathon experience during the Columbia Gorge Marathon on 10.25.15… Enjoy!

7:57am~ at the starting line, giving my bib number to the announcer for “early start” info (they had me accidentally in the half-marathon pile…)

“Ma’am, are you sure you know what distance you are racing? This is the full marathon.”

“Trust me, dude. I am sure.” (Though very tempted to change my mind…)

0800: Early start marathon begins!

Mile 1: Wow. This really is beautiful. Maybe all my friends/cheerleaders were right and the gorgeous scenery will distract me from the hills.

Mile 2: Ah, Jesus. This is going to be great. Sun. Getting warmed up. America.

Mile 3: *Conquers first hill* Now, that wasn’t so bad.

Mile 4-6: *all downhill forever, singing gleefully* THE HILLS ARE ALIVE, WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC!!!

Mile 7: *flat* I have a bad feeling about what is coming next…

Mile 7.5: *Uphill begins for many miles, singing mournfully* NOBODY KNOWS, THE TROUBLE I SEEEEE, NOBODY KNOWS MY SORROW…

Mile 8: Just. Keep. Breathing. Run the mile I’m in. And I am going to injure all those people who said the scenery would distract me. WEB OF LIES!

Mile 9: *Gets passed by the first non-early start marathon runners who started an hour after the 50 of us who started early*

Mile 9.1: *Thinks in head* “Goodbye, two stick-boy runners… Enjoy your ‘flight.'” Immediately followed by “Lord, sorry for being mean. Bless their run.” (SN: He did– they finished with like 6:30min/mi pace or something crazy. Good job them.)

Mile 10: Was this ever FUN?!? Because it isn’t now. I am screwed. Death. Hills. So. Many. Hills.

Mile 10.5: Oh, look! Wine tasting!

Mile 10.6: Closed?!? FAIL. Probably a good thing. Because I already want to take a nap.

Mile 11: *takes first shot of pickle juice, knees go weak from glory* JESUS OH JESUS THANK YOU FOR PICKLE JUICE! *muscles relax*

Mile 11.5: *At turnaround point, I see Brandon, Charis and Carlie cheering, violently yells at them in response* “PRAY FOR THE HILLS AND THE WIND! ITS TERRIBLE!” (Charis responds with favorite quote of the day: “It’s fine Mama. It’s fine.”) #WhateverToddler

Mile 12: Focus on something else… Watch the people. Smile. Wave. Something.

Mile 13: AH! It’s the bearded, running Forrest Gump! Seriously! I need a picture!

Mile 14: *Gets passed by guy carrying American flag, surge of patriotism helps me fly down the hill* AMERICA! *Mentally adds “run a race carrying the flag” to bucket list*

Mile 16: *Lungs tight due to lots of hills and colder than trained in weather– Take first puff of albuterol inhaler* Oh. That’s good. REALLY GOOD. I wonder if that is what a smoker feels like when taking a drag off of a cigarette?

Mile 16.01: Maybe I should take up smoking?

Mile 16.02: Nawww… Just kidding. 🙂

Mile 17: How am I still going downhill? I didn’t know we went that far up! Oh look, a you-pick apricot farm. I could use something to eat….

Mile 18: Ok, flat for a minute. I like this. We can do this. I am not going to think about the beast of an uphill coming soon…

Mile 18.5: *Sees Brandon, Charis and Carlie again* I love my people. Almost home stretch. Well, sort of. 8 miles left is kind of home stretchy, right?

Mile 19: *Stares up Mountain of Death* This is not going to be pleasant. I know God made the heavens and the earth, but pretty sure Satan had a hand in this hill… Must. Not. Curse. I am a Christian. I love Jesus….

Mile 20: *Still trudging uphill. Starts to rain. Gets angry with God.* Um, ‘Scuse me, Jesus. We had an agreement this morning that you would hold off the rain until I got back to the car. What the what?!!

Mile 21: *Rage ensues. Tries to decide if crying or throwing a hissy is more appropriate. Still going uphill. In the rain. Zig zagging from side to side of the trail to try and run under the trees out of the rain.* Ok, don’t waste energy on tears or maintaining this scowl. Simmer down…

Mile 22: Frrrreeezzzzzinnnggg… So. Cold.

Mile 23: Wait! Suddenly, I feel warm! Or maybe not. My exposed flesh is beet red and tingly. Probably numb, not warm. But let’s pretend I am warm. Warm thoughts, warm thoughts… Maybe I should Prancerise… That could help…

Mile 24: *Approaches top of final huge nasty hill* ONLY TWO MILES LEFT. I. CAN. DO. THIS. Do. Not. Cry. Happy. Tears. Yet. Still two miles to go. KEEP. IT. TOGETHER.

Mile 25: *CUES UP MOTIVATIONAL THEME SONG! Downhill (real!) homestretch begins! Starts singing out loud and dancing and smiling at all of the disgruntled drivers that are sitting in traffic due to the marathon runners* Those people should really be smiling. They are warm in their cars. Sitting down. #TheyDontEvenKnow

Mile 26: There it is! I see it! The finish line! And I am making great time! I didn’t die! Let’s finish this! America! All the things! JESUSJESUSJESUSJESUS! EEEEE!

Mile 26.2: *Crosses finish line, falls into arms of Beloved husband. Greeted by awesome friends Carlie and Danilynn. Nearly forgets to pick up finishers medal* Jesus, is this real life? Did that really just happen?

I finished in 5 hrs, 38 min and 17 seconds. Took a full 33 minutes off dress rehearsal time (breaks down to 1:11 per min/mile faster. With hills. Say what? Only Jesus could do that.)

Next day, first waking thoughts:
1. Thank you Lord that it is 6:48am and Charis did not get up at 5am today.
2. MY LEGS! MY ARMS! MY ABS! MY PECS! MY CHEEKS! ALL OF ME! OWWWWW!
3. Thanks Lord. Just thanks. Soli Deo Gloria. #SendMe

Changed by Running for Him,