Just a little Respect (in Marriage) #WilcoWednesday

Welcome to Wilco Wednesday! If you are a new around these parts, “Wilco” is Army-speak for “Will Comply.” Think of it as saying “Roger, God. Got it. Will do.”  So that is what Wednesday here at 7 Days Time is all about– exploring his decrees and seeking guidance for what complying with Him looks like in everyday life. The best part? He loves us for who we are, not what we do.  Remember: He doesn’t want perfection, just obedience. Share. Enjoy. Interact. And let’s respond to God’s call with  a hearty “Wilco, Lord!”  Welcome my talented and insightful friend Ande! 

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When I was pregnant with my first, I was involved in a business that did home shows. I met all kinds of ladies talking about all kinds of things. One day I was discussing my product with several women over the age of 50. I had been married almost seven years and very excited to be a new mom. It struck me as odd that these women had very little to say that was nice about their own husbands! They told me to “just wait, you’ll see” as they explained how lazy, old and fat their husbands were.

NO! I thought, and even said aloud at one time, “I really like my husband!”

But who hasn’t complained about her beloved? Just blowing off steam? I wondered. This is a temptation from the king of lies, Satan. He wants to destroy our marriage. Marriage, though, is a gift from God – the first gift that Eve receives after the gift of life.

My husband and I love marriage. There is very little about marriage that isn’t wonderful! Is it easy all the time? No, but this is a journey that we chose to pursue together. Many couples get a few years in and start complaining and wondering if the grass is greener somewhere else. Perhaps they wonder if they could do life better without their husbands. NO! I say again. (Another lie from Satan.)

God created everything! Yeah, that’s Sunday School 101, but do you realize that he created the institution of marriage? After each creation the LORD said “It is good.” Then in Genesis 2:18 God says that, “It is not good that man should be alone. I will create a helper for him.” Once God created every other animal in the world He finally put Adam to sleep and created Eve from his rib. As a result we are told in Genesis 2:24 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” MARRIAGE!

And what was the first thing God gave to Eve after she was given life? Not lunch, not a dream home, but a husband! Having a husband, and therefore a marriage, is a gift. Satan wants us to give up on this institution given to us from God because it can destroy our very being, causing us to give up on life: destruction.

Back to the ladies complaining about their husbands.… I would venture to say these ladies didn’t think much of the gift of marriage, or their husbands for that matter. It can be a slow fade, though, so when we feel like we can gossip about the one we are to be one with, we should refer to the best relationship diagnostic text: the Bible.

In Ephesians 5:22 Paul reminds us to “Submit to our own husbands….” (I know, most wives hate this verse, but it gets good!) This “submit” does not mean as one submits to the law or a dog to its master. This “submit” is respect and taking on the husband’s goals for your family as your own. He isn’t supposed to have these goals without your input, the two of you are “one” after all. There is conversation and relationship involved here. We “submit” to our husbands “as to the LORD.” How do we submit to the LORD? By respecting Him! I should respect my husband and allow him to lead our family rather than taking over his job and going out and “doing my own thing.” Remember those complaints of lazy husbands? If we give up and just do it all ourselves, why would they even bother trying?

Are we to get anything in return? Yes! Our husbands’ love… “As Christ Loved the Church and gave himself up for her.” Yea, that part sounds a lot harder to me then talking over decisions and respecting my husband as leader of our home. My husband is being instructed to be willing to die for me!

“My husband doesn’t do anything worth respecting,” or “Well, he doesn’t show me love, so why should I show him respect?” The Apostle Paul doesn’t give us an out. He makes it a command. Do it.

Last night, I didn’t obey this command that Paul gives and it didn’t turn out so well. I got a bit snippy and my husband wasn’t feeling well to boot, so he snapped at me. I ignored the situation and we both went to bed angry. This morning I woke up and decided I had a choice. Be “right” or be “righteous”, doing what I am instructed to do in Ephesians.  I recalled my role as wife and how what my husband needs is to feel respected. I fixed his coffee and took it to him, apologized to him and got a hug and apology in return. I showed him the respect he missed last night and he showed me the love I needed to get through the day.

When we fulfill our husbands’ basic need of respect we get what we need in return. We are one. When we have an injured body part we don’t just ignore it, we look on Web MD for the diagnosis and best home remedies. If your diagnosis is a struggling marriage or even a stressful marriage day, I encourage you to be righteous in your deeds, be respectful to your husband, and reap the reward of a long, strong marriage. It may not happen over night, but in your obedience to the Lord, there is reward.

All it takes is just a little respect.

“Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” 1 Corinthians 15:58 (NIV)

Ande received a Master of Science in College Administration and Student Affairs from Indiana University after her degree in Greek and Classics from Randolph-Macon College in Virginia. She grew up military and became an Army wife five years ago, after some humbling from the Lord. She was married to Tim for 8 1/2 years when he took his oath. After more humbling, Ande became a homeschooling-stay-at-home mom of two active boys, when she realized that going back to work in college administration would not be the Lord’s will. Now on their 14^th year of marriage, Ande and Tim still consider marriage one of God’s greatest gifts. They believe that ministering to newlyweds is one of their callings.