10 Commandments of Pregnancy: For the General Public

So I’ve been blogging for a hot minute. See also: Over five years.

And in that time, we’ve experienced a lot of life changes, especially in the family realm of things… A miscarriage, the birth of our daughter Charis and now, the 3rd-trimester-point-of-in-process-cooking of another Tiny Human.

One of my favorite mini-series of all time here on the blog are the “10 Commandments of Pregnancy.” They are funny, because they are true.

So today, I want to re-share the first installment of the mini-series: 10 Commandments for the general public, aka friends, extended family and strangers.

Because if I am going to put on weight and wonder how/what my body is doing, I might as well try to laugh in the meantime. (And I invite you to do the same.)

Oh. And if you are a friend/family member or just a random stranger who interacts with a preggo at any point in your life– please heed these guidelines. Trust me. You will thank me later.

1. Thou shalt not give unsolicited advice. This is a big one. Remember that pregnancy, especially for a first time mamas, can be generally overwhelming. Our bodies are doing some absolutely crazy stuff and we are bombarded with information on TV, the internet, books and our doctor. If we approach you asking for advice, by all means, let’s pour a cup of decaf coffee (or, if you beloved coffee is now a pregnancy aversion, I might recommend a cup of peppermint tea) and chat. However, if we met four seconds ago in the produce section of the grocery store, please don’t share the latest statistics about how the .0001% amount of pesticides that might possibly be on the lettuce could cause major birth defects. Unnecessary. And just no.

2. Thou shalt remember that the pregnant future-mama’s word filter is broken… if it is still intact at all. This is no excuse for us preggos to be rude… but sometimes, especially if you violate commandment #1, our broken/missing word/politeness filter reaction will be automatic and we will say something we will probably regret later. We appreciate your compassion to laugh it off and take no offense to our surge of hormonal word-vomit or random hysteria over not having any soy sauce in the house… When in doubt, just nod your head, smile and walk away before the situation escalates. (And try not to make direct eye contact with us.)

3. Thou shalt not uninvitedly share your overly-detailed, graphic, or scary aspects of your personal delivery experiences. (This especially applies to you if you are a complete stranger.) I understand that birthing a child results in the automatic induction to an elite and awesome mommy club. Which is super cool. But remember that our preggo brains are already really good at dreaming up all of the crazy possibilities that could (but probably won’t) happen during delivery. So please, please, don’t share with us how much you “tore” during labor (Dear Lord!) or the fact that the 48 hrs you were birthing your child were the most horrific two days of your life. It’s not encouraging. It’s just scary. (And we would like to live in denial for as long as possible, thank you very much.)

4. Thou shalt be excited for said pregnant mama. It doesn’t matter if it is her first baby or her twelfth, if she is having twins or her third boy (or girl) in a row. The overall idea of two leedle, bitty cells coming together to make a person as part of the coolest Jesus arts and crafts project ever is something to be celebrated. (See commandment #10)

5. Thou shalt not apologize for things that do not need to be apologized for. Weird, but true. Even if the mama is a little overwhelmed by the fact that she is expecting her second baby in record time after baby #1 was on the ground, (Surprise!) or if she announces that her third baby happens to be “another” boy just like the previous two, don’t apologize. It can be offensive and disheartening. (Refer to Commandment #4 and #10.) Jesus make the rules. Not us.

6. Thou shalt offer to help in any way possible. Yes, we preggos want to be independent… but sometimes it is nice to be taken care of… I mean seriously, who doesn’t want an extra casserole in the fridge in preparation for baby’s arrival? (This one is especially important if future-mama doesn’t have immediate family right down the road… or in the same state… or in the same time zone.) Plus, the more pregnant a woman gets, the more household chores become chore-y. (At least for me– my Braxton Hicks contractions are “activity induced,” usually laundry/dishes/Toddler chasing. I tried to get my Midwife to give me a note, but no dice.) So, offer to help her out. And don’t judge when none of the socks in the laundry even remotely match. (See commandment #7)

7. Thou shalt not be judgey. Seriously. This is dangerous for all parties involved. If you see me shotgunning a Venti Starbucks drink, please don’t shoot me a look of doom… Because in all honesty, it’s probably decaf (or tea) anyways and it’s been “one of those days.” Yes, if we are super close as friends/family and you see me going to town chowing down 13 Big Macs, by all means, lovingly call me out. (But keep your fingers back. I might bite.) This also applies to general parenting decisions, such as whether or not we are finding out the gender, or what kind of diapers we will be using. If its something seemingly harmless, just let us be. It is the safest option for all parties involved.

8. Thou shalt make and extra effort to guard your word vomit… Specifically avoiding phrases like “Wow, you are HUGE!” or “No baby YET!?!” or “Oh you are still super early in your pregnancy” or “Oh you just wait…” Each one of these make me cringe. Remember that we preggos tend to be overly sensitive and hormonal with broken word filters ourselves. So when we are miserably 40+ weeks pregnant counting the hours still baby makes his/her appearance and you utter the words “Still no baby yet? You look like you are going to pop!” we reserve the right to mutter something under our breath about “I will show you pop” then whacking you in the face. (Just kidding. Violence is not the answer.) But seriously. Please guard your words.

9. Thou shalt not touch the belly… or enter into the mama-bubble at all unless invited. I haven’t had to deal with this one too much… yet. My guess is that I (unintentionally) naturally wear a subconscious look on my face of “Stay back or I will cut you.” Just remember that if you get all up into our kool-aid to “pet” our baby bump, we might spray you down with Lysol (if we happen to be in a germaphobic mood) or reach out and pat your belly– which will just make the situation super awkward (and remind you that you shouldn’t have eaten that extra piece of cake after supper last night.) Or, if you catch us on a bad day, you might just meet the “People’s Elbow” before you can apologize for personal space invasion.

10. Thou shalt encourage and pray for the mama-(and daddy-and-siblings)-to-be! We need all the prayers and encouragement we can get. As first (or second, third, fourth, etc) time parents, its super exciting, overwhelming and little scary. I promise you that if you ask how you can pray for us, we will appreciate it– and be more willing to extend grace when you accidentally violate any of the other 10 commandments.

What do ya think? Got any other commandments to share (that perhaps personally happened to you?) Don’t be shy about commenting below or sharing with your friends for a lil dose of encouragement today!

Grow baby grow,