In college, we used to have a saying:
“It’s only weird if you make it weird. So don’t make it weird, OK?”
And that is going to be the slogan for today’s blog post. Because as we discuss the building blocks of creating a Christ-like marriage, we really can’t leave out the, um, errr, ahem… Physical part.
See, there I go. Making it weird before we even get this party started.
But seriously, we can’t talk about marriage without at least mentioning the s-e-x part of it. Because let’s face it. Not only are physical aspects of marriage the #2 cause of marital strife, but sexual “stuff” is rampant in the Bible.
Don’t believe me? Just crack open His Word and see if you don’t run into something of a sexy nature, condoning the good, condemning the bad and everything in between.
Heck, there is even an entire BOOK in the bible that addresses the physical/romantic interactions between a husband and wife. Seriously, have you ever read Song of Solomon? (Is it hot in here?)
Things are about to get scandalous all up in here. Or at least ridiculous. And awkward.
Friends, I am no expert in this department. (And even if I was, I would not post it here. Sorry. That is between me and the hubs. #Awkward) There are a lot of great resources out there including books to read, studies to take, groups to join.
In addition to the Bible, one of our personal favorite marriage learning tools is “Laugh your Way to a Better Marriage” by Mark Gungor.
While Brandon was deployed prior to us getting married, one of the chaplains showed the film to his company. He loved it so much that he insisted we buy our own copy and watch it together.
This says a lot coming from a guy who would sometimes rather ruck march 12 miles in the rain barefoot than talk about relationshippy things.
So we bought it and have watched it several times over the years. Not only does this DVD set make us laugh and show us the differences in our brains, but it also has a section on the sexy part of marriage.
And it is eye-openingly profound.
First, God designed us like this for a reason. We as humans don’t just “mate” to procreate like all the other animals in the world, but we have the opportunity to make love. It is a way to enjoy each other, experience pleasure and even bring glory to God in the process (as long as our “relations” are contained within our marriage.) Cool, right?
Secondly, God designed men and women very different. As it says in Mark’s video, (generally speaking, of course) a way to a man’s heart is through his pantalones and a way to a woman’s pantalones is through her heart. (A little crude, but true.) WHY would God do this? Because He wants us to sacrifice for each other– it is a give and take relationship.
Next, we should understand that men and women have very different physical needs. In general, men need, um, “physical interaction” much more often than women. This can be a difficult spot in a marriage, especially if kids are involved because many women would rather NOT be touched after being drained emotionally and clung to by tiny humans all day long. (Again, I am generalizing.) But that is where the second point comes into play. Husbands have gotta fill their wives emotional buckets to get their physical needs met. Wives are sometimes going to have to sacrifice and meet their hubby’s physical needs, which in turn will make them feel closer and fill up that emotional bucket. Crazy cycle God created, right?
The final tidbit about getting physical in marriage is to have the courage to talk openly about it– not with your girlfriends or guy friends, but with each other. It simply blows my mind how little some couples talk about this with one another. Asking a simple question of “how full is your emotional/physical bucket?” or “How can I meet your physical/emotional needs today?” can make a world of difference. Mentioning to your spouse what you do (and don’t) enjoy and even consider semi-scheduling some, um, “together time” if life seems a bit hectic. Communicate about it and you will be able to avoid the issues that accompany mismatched expectations in the bedroom. Oh, and don’t be afraid to pray about it either. God obviously cares about us in this area of life, otherwise He certainly wouldn’t have created us as sexual beings.
So… What are your thoughts? Be bold and join the conversation. (Seriously. I had to muster up the courage to post this so you can surely share a few words, right? 🙂 )
Now see? The “Let’s get Physical” part of our marriage discussion wasn’t that weird, was it? (It’s only weird if you make it weird.)
Glad I made it through this Scandalous post,
“My beloved is mine and I am his; he browses among the lilies.” ~Song of Solomon 2:16
Linking up today with Kelli via Unforced Rhythms, Laura at Playdates with God, and Joan’s Beauty in His Grip. Oh! And be sure to join our #EverydayJesus link-up community right here at 7 Days Time every Thursday!
