Ok. Here’s the “tooth” about deployment: sometimes it really “bites.” Other days it can directly hit a “nerve.” The absence of your Beloved creates a “cavity” that is difficult, if not impossible, to “fill.” Yes, deployment can even leave a bad “taste” in your mouth. But know what? Taking time to determinedly set your “jaw” and keep a stiff upper “lip” even in mundane moments of daily life such a a triple-play day of dentist appointments is necessary to find joy and hope in the “suck.” Time (and Jesus) gives us “wisdom” and yes, even the ability to SMILE.
PS: No major dental procedures were performed in the making of this post. #ThankYouJesusForThat #EveryoneCrushedIt #EvenTheToddler!
Now that I’m done with school for the summer (Can I get an amen??), I am trying to be more intentional to “play” during the rest of this deployment. It’s kind of weird that it doesn’t come naturallyl to me anymore (too much adulting I think– gross, I know!) Thankfully, the kindergardener-almost-rising-first-grader is good at drawing me in… Like a Saturday morning (mandatory?) PJ picnics in the living room (on a cardboard box for a table).
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Deployment Log, Day 216:
1. ARE WE DONE YET??
2. No. No, we are not.
3. Yesterday I was in a funk. I just woke up kind of blah and missing hubs more than I had since saying see-ya-later 7 + months ago. It was not my finest moment (but just keeping it real up in here, yo).
4. With the blahs yesterday, I was very tempted to do something irrational, like chop and bleach my hair or adopt a puppy.
5. I refrained and did none of those things (You are welcome, husband).
6. By the grace of the Good Lord in Heaven, I WAS ABLE TO MAINTAIN MY 4.0 GPA during this deployment!
7. Malick has started calling every girl character/doll/figurine “Cha-cha” (aka, same name for his sister…) He did that to a Cinderella doll this morning and I almost melted into a puddle.
8. I’ve continued with the redeployment (homecoming) nesting. Again, not because hubs could care less that the closets/garage/pantry are clean, but mainly because it restores a bit of order to what I feel like has been a chaotic season of life.
9. On a same note, if anyone ever finds themselves in a Kleenex/Paper towel apocalypse situation, I got you.
10. It’s officially summer here. Because all the bugs have arrived. Like the one-inch LIVE cockroach I found in my make-up drawer yesterday morning, the ants who are pouring out of a kitchen outlet and the furry spider who ran towards me across the barbell while it was ON MY BACK. #ThatsANopeFromMe #KThanksBye
11. I’ve decided I need to stop “shoulding” on myself. “I should clean/run/organize/should, should, should, should, NO.” I’m tired of shoulding. I should stop shoulding. #SeeWhatIDidThere#OldHabitsDieHard
12. This ^ is a direct result of Revelation Wellness.
13. I’ve resisted many years of watching a single episode of Grey’s anatomy. But I gave it a try last week. It’s sucked me in. I think I will be able to perform a solo craniotomy before this deployment is over.
14. I’m really, really trying to play more with the kiddos. But my motivation is not impressive. Anyone have suggestions? (And by suggestions, I don’t mean “mom guilt” of “enjoy them while they are little, the time passes so quickly, etc.” I’ve got that handled on my own. I’m talking tangible stuff. More caffeine?)
15. Prayers: Supernatural patience for these final weeks; encouragement for my heart/soul as I miss my dear husband; JOY as I get to spend time with my mama this coming weekend when she comes to Texas!; peace as I ponder/pray about the reintegration process.
16. Parting thought:
“Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.” ~Psalm 139: 7-10
