The Refreshed Cry

There was a time in my life not too long ago that I hated to cry in church.

I would do everything in my power to keep those tears from falling. Check out mentally from worship. Blink really hard, really fast. Breathe deep. Stop singing. Anything.

But then, I just got over it.

I don’t know what changed. Maybe it was because I was decreasing as Christ was increasing in my life. Perhaps I had finally released my self-conscious-what-if-they-judge-me-and-think-something-is-wrong-fake-it-til-I-make-it-attitude. Or it could have been a combination of all of the above.

Since that time, I have probably cried every kind of cry in church:
*The convicted cry (I am sorry, Lord. Totally missed the mark on that one. Forgive me?)
*The overwhelmed cry (I CAN’T DO THIS! IT IS JUST TOO HARD!!)
*The anxious cry (I will not worry, I will not worry– Lord, I AM WORRIED!)
*The tired cry (I am so tired, Jesus. Very, very tired. Are we done yet? Please?!)
*The lonely cry (Where are you God?)
*The gratitude cry (God, you are so awesome. Wow. Just wow.)
And of course…
*The Ugly Cry (No, kind sir– I do not need you to call 911. Everything is fine. Just let me hash this out with Jesus, mkay? Oh, and pass the Kleenex. And maybe the mop bucket…)

As a former tough gal who still isn’t a huge fan of crying (especially in public) this is a pretty big step for me. I thought I had covered all of the types of in-church tear-drop emotion.

Until recently.

A couple of months ago, I discovered a new type of cry– and if I had to choose a “favorite” cry, this would be it.

The Refreshed Cry.

Here’s the context: It had been a very intense couple of months– not bad, just intense. The Lord was helping our family through a hard season, one that could have very well been filled with fear, anxiety, and general unrest.

But instead, we felt His presence stronger than ever before. My husband was gone away doing army stuff, but God filled the gap in miraculous and surprising ways, probably because my heart had been so transformed.

We were literally in the final hours of this hard season and so that morning during worship at church, I sang.

Then out of nowhere, I began to cry.

It was a silent cry. But one like I have never experienced before. It was a unique combo of the gratitude cry, the overwhelmed cry (as in, overwhelmed by Jesus, not worldly junk) and the ugly cry.

Tears just streamed down my face. I was almost in disbelief. By the end of worship, the top part of my shirt was soaked. And I felt lighter. Joyful.

Absolutely, completely, totally refreshed. Like I had just stepped out of a shower post-run. Sweat was gone, and the grateful-tired-clean feeling set in.

It was incredible.

Even now, I remember that feeling and almost yearn for it.

Since that time, I have continued to seek for that daily refreshment in Christ.

Sometimes it comes in the form of an intense cry.

Other times, it happens as I am wrapped in my white mantle of rest prayer shawl during my quiet time.

Or when that final mile beeps on my watch at the end of a run.

Or when I am able to keep my cool after a hard moment.

Or after I get up from my 15-20 minute daily “power nap.”

That refreshed feeling is something I don’t want to lose.

So friend, consider this: When was the last time you felt refreshed by God? Are you in need of that today? Please don’t be shy– share your testimony and feedback in the comments below.

And next time you are in worship and you feel those tears coming on, maybe there is a refreshing cry just waiting to bless you in the name of Christ. Don’t fight it… Just go with the flow.

Literally.

Refreshed by Him,