What Marriage Is Not

I recently heard a commercial on our local Christian radio station that got me pretty fired up.

It was the founder of E-Harmony, the online matchmaking website. Now, I have nothing against online dating and whatnot– God can use a variety of avenues to bring a man and woman together in marriage. But during the commercial, this dude said something that made me sigh, raise my eyebrows and get a little twitchy.

To paraphrase his statement, he said something along the lines that “the decision of who you marry will have the biggest impact on how happy you will be in life.”

Um, I don’t agree.

See? Marriage is not always super fun…

Don’t read me wrong here. Marriage can and does bring great joy to my life. I love my husband. But friends, I think this idea that WE are solely in charge of our decisions coupled with the dependence on a spouse to be the sole source of our happiness is one of the major contributing factors to the divorce rate in this country. (Last I read, the divorce rate was right around 50%. HALF of all people who get married don’t stay married.)

This isn’t a slam against those of you out there who have walked the painful path of divorce. But rather this post is for all of the couples considering marriage, engaged and even some newlyweds. So if this applies to you or someone you know, read on…

Because it is time to dispel some myths about marriage and share what marriage is NOT.

1. Marriage is not meant to be the sole source of happiness. This comes directly from that radio commercial and it really got me thinking. I feel that so many folks get married today because “it makes them happy.” That’s great! Marriage SHOULD make you happy (most days.) But your spouse CANNOT be the sole source of your happiness. Because guess what? You are married to a sinner. And so is your spouse. Sinners equal not perfect and not perfect equals days that won’t be flowing with marital bliss.

The sole source of our happiness MUST be Christ. He is the one who never lets us down. I have met countless couples that cite their primary reason for divorce as “He/She no longer makes me happy.” Not legit, my friends, not legit. We can’t depend on our spouse to fill such a huge calling. That is a job left up to God.

2. Marriage is not easy. I recently met a newlywed couple who shared that everyone they talked to said “the first year of marriage is the best.” Say WHAT?? Maybe this is true for a handful of couples out there, but certainly not for us. Our first year of marriage wasn’t bad, just… different. You are figuring each other out, trying to function as a husband/wife instead of a solo individual. Marriage IS NOT easy. If anyone every told you this, then they are lying. Or not married. 🙂 Even Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:28 “But those who marry will face many troubles in this life.”

A solid, holy, Christ-glorifying marriage takes work. It’s not always rainbows, sunshine, and puppy dog tails. But in those hard moments, that is where our relationship with God set down new roots at even deeper depths. The fruit of marriage can be AWESOME– but the cultivation process isn’t easy.

3. Marriage is not disposable. Sigh. It absolutely breaks my heart that I even have to include this point. It really does. There have been more times that I can count where I have learned of couple getting divorced on Facebook, over the phone or in person and I have literally wept. Breaks. My. Heart. Again, I am not condemning couples who get divorced… God is the ultimate redeemer. He can restore an individual, with or without their spouse intact. But it is so sad how folks just want to jump ship the moment the waters get rough.

My husband and I have a policy in our relationship– we never even mention the “D-word.” (Divorce.) It is simply not an option for us. Do we have hard days/moments/seasons? Heck yes, we do. But God, as our sole source of happiness and deliverer in trial never fails us.

Dear friends, I pray that if you are married, these truths are written on your heart. If you aren’t, keep them in mind if/when God calls a spouse into your life. Marriage IS a lot of things– a blessing, a gift, a challenge. But there are definitely certain aspects of life that marriage is not. What other things would you add to this list? Please share other “marriage myths” by leaving a comment below.

Find your joy in Christ. Know that marriage isn’t easy. And press on, dear reader… Press on.

Married In Christ,

“As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.” ~Isaiah 62:5 NIV

Linking up today with my sweet friend Beth over at Three-word Wednesday and also with Walking Redeemed. Oh! And be sure to join our #EverydayJesus link-up community right here at 7 Days Time every Thursday!