God sure has a sense of humor. It still cracks me up almost daily that He had the idea to create man, then create woman, make us COMPLETELY different and say “Ok, live together for your entire life. Play nice. Love each other. I’m here when you need me. Good luck.”
Sometimes I think marriage needs a survival guide. Specifically, I need a survival guide (or kit) as an army wife. So today is my appeal for either 1) every man getting married to give their wife the following kit, 2) every woman getting married to get this kit for herself or 3) for the army to standard issue the following items to all army wives everywhere.
But before I get into the actual life-as-a-wife survival kit, I would like to address the survival kit needed for married men, military or otherwise. I am sure they are already feeling left out, and we certainly wouldn’t want that.
So here is the basic supplies needed for dudes in an I-wanna-be-a-husband-in-a-joy-filled-marriage kit.
1. Food. Any kind will do.
2. Shelter. Any kind will do. Preferably warm and dry.
3. Beer and/or TV. Not any kind will do, and amounts with vary per man.
4. A passionate wife. Why? To um, ahem, satisfy, eh, their, er “urges.” (If you don’t get this one… ask your spouse. I am sure he can clarify.)
Welp. That was easy.
Now, back to the life-as-a-wife survival guide in reverse ranking order. (United States Military, I hope you are paying attention. Seriously. This should be standard issue when anyone marries into any branch of the military. I will be waiting by my mailbox.)
(Note: These of course are hypothetical. They certainly aren’t based on MY experiences at all… right.)
10. An upright punching bag. With accompanying hand wraps and gloves. There will be frustrations in marriage… and this is a healthy way to, um, release some tension without taking it out on your beloved. It works. Or so I’ve been told.
9. Chocolate. Any kind will do… some might prefer a mint-chocolate combination, or dark chocolate varieties.
8. Kleenexes. Emotional roller coaster breakdowns can happen at any given moment. I have known wives (again, not myself of course) to end up sitting on the couch tearing up a boxes of Kleenex telling their husband as she gasp’s between sobs “I…(gasp)… don’t… (hack)… know… (snort)… why… (sniff)… I’m…(honk)… cryinggggg… (waaaaaa!) *Also useful for happy and/or Holy Spirit tears as well. Those too are very common.
7. A wine glass. I have hypothetically been told that some wives don’t always even drink wine out of the glasses. A wife last week perhaps kinda sorta drank Diet Dr. Pepper out of a fancy wine glass. Wives are all about feeling elegant and keeping it classy. Do what it takes.
6. A bathtub. This is best used for life-as-a-wife survival tool if combined with #9 and #7. (Just add steaming hot water and bubbles.)
5. Tylenol. For recovering from #8 and other semi-stressful and/or overwhelming experiences.
4. A movie/TV show filter. Sometimes as a wife (especially army wife) we need a magical filter that blocks certain shows or movies from our viewing. AKA films that involve war, adultery, excessive tears, etc. They are seed planters and can be super un-survival-ish.
3. A positive go-to person. This can be a friend, neighbor, mom, family member or fellow wife. When the husband is either the cause of the issue OR is not available (which is often the case), wives need to have a pep-talker on-standby, even if it is via phone, internet, text or Skype.
2. A sense of humor. Marriage can either be stressful and painful or hilarious. Choose the latter option. It is way more fun… and WILL help you survive. (ESPECIALLY in the military.)
1. A Bible… and the faith to go with it. This is easily the most important of all the survival supplies on this list. When our husbands are gone, busy, preoccupied, confused, deployed, injured, uncertain etc, we have ONE to lean on, and that is our Father in Heaven. Ultimately to survive as a wife and live in a joy-filled marriage, we must FIRST be married to HIM. Be so in love with God that your husband has to seek Him to get to you. And allow your husband to lead in your walk.
Keep the faith– it will ultimately lead you to both survival and revival of your marriage.
Living and loving my life-as-a-wife,
“Stay with God. Take heart. Don’t quit. I will say it again: Stay with God!” Psalm 27:14 MSG